داستانی از ولا دیمون[۱]
با جیغ خفهای از خواب پریدم و از دیدن او بالای سرم یکه خوردم؛ مزاحمم[۲]، مانند همیشه سرتاپا سیاهپوش، بالای سرم ایستادهاست.
البته قبلاً هم او را دیدهام، ولی نه از فاصلهای اینقدر نزدیک! دیدهام که از درگاهی تاریک نگاهم میکند، یا از میان چینهای پردههای رنگورورفتهی خانهای متروک به من خیره شدهاست، یا در ماشین کناریام در بزرگراه است، یا وقتی که منتظر علامت چراغ پیادهام در پیادهروی روبرو ایستادهاست.
رویهمرفته، دیگر عادت کردهام و نمیترسم. اوایل وحشتزده میشدم. درها را دوقفله و سهقفله و پنجرهها را تخته میکردم. حاضر بودم خطر سوختن در آتشسوزی خانه را بپذیرم، اما دست او به من نرسد. نگران بودم که مبادا وقتی بیرون رفتهام وارد خانهام شدهباشد. تمام گوشهوکنارها و شکاف دیوارها و حتی جاهایی از خانه را که ممکن نبود در آن جا بگیرد، میگشتم و تصورات دیوانهوارم به او نیرویی فراانسانی میبخشید. فکر میکردم که شاید میتواند به اندازه موش آب برود؛ منتظر این است که حواسم نباشد و بیاحتیاطی کنم تا به اندازهی عادی خود برگردد و وقتی درون وان حمام غوطهورم یا تلویزیون میبینم به سراغم بیاید.
تفنگ را خیلی وقت پیش خریدم. قبلاً عادت داشتم آن را همهجا با خودم ببرم، حتی دوروبر خانه؛ اما حالا در کشو خاک میخورد. کسی چه میداند که هتوز هم کار میکند یا نه؟ یعنی گلولهها هم مثل دارو و باتری تاریخ انقضا دارند؟ فکر میکنم الان برای پیدا کردن پاسخ کمی دیر است.
میدانید که چه میگویند: با گذشت زمان به همه چیز عادت میکنید، حتی به یک غریبه درشتهیکل بدقواره مشکیپوش که هر حرکت شما را زیر نظر دارد. میدانم که کسی این قسمت آخر را نمیگوید، اما من میگویم. آخر من هنوز هم باید به زندگیام برسم. کار، قبضها، مهمانیها، قرارها. بخش عاشقانهی زندگیام هم تعریف چندانی ندارد- خیلی سخت است که وقتی همیشه زیر نظری، با کسی صمیمی شوی. میدانم که برای بعضی از مردم جالب است، ولی برای منِ تودار، هیجانی ندارد.
بعد از مدتی به این فکر افتادم که شاید مزاحمم یک فرشته محافظ است. زندگی من رویهمرفته بدون دغدغه پیش میرود. مثلاً با این که در محلهی خیلی خوبی از شهر زندگی نمیکنم، تابهحال کسی از من دزدی نکردهاست؛ حتی در تونلهای تاریک زیرگذرها در ساعات آخر شب. شاید مزاحمم آدم خوبیست. شاید همه یکی از این مزاحمها دارند؛ اما دیگران آنقدر درگیر خودشان هستند که توجهی به او نمیکنند.
حالا که مزاحمم بالای سرم است، آنقدرها هم خیرخواه بهنظر نمیرسد. اصلاً چطور وارد شدهاست؟ آیا آنقدر خیالم راحت بودهاست که فراموش کردم در را چفتوبست کنم؟ به جایی رسیدهام که خودم را شکستناپذیر میدانم و به خودم میگویم که او از من محافظت میکند؟ آیا او هرشب میایستد و مرا تماشا میکند و من تابهحال بیدار نشدهام؟
در تمام این سالها چهره او را ندیدهام. حتی همین حالا؛ خیلی تاریک است. خود او هم خیلی تیره است. شاید چهرهای ندارد، فقط تاریکیست، مثل دروگرِ مرگ[۳]. تابهحال او را با داس ندیدهام… اگر داس داشت حتماً توجهم را جلب میکرد. شاید داس فقط یک افسانه است؛ یک مدرک هنری تا مرگ را در نظرمان جالبتر کند. شاید مرگ شرکتهای تبلیغات پرزرقوبرق را استخدام کردهاست تا تصویر تروتمیزی از او نمایش دهند.
حتی میتوانم جلسه همفکری را برای طراحی آن جسم عجیب داسمانند تصور کنم.
یک چیزی لازم دارد. خیلی ناجور است- فهمیدم، کمی رنگ میخواهد.
ولی این مرگ است، مرگ که با رنگ جور در نمیآید.
فهمیدم! یک داس[۴]. یک داس کم دارد.
آنوقت همه به هم زل میزنند چون هیچکس نمیداند داس چیست؛ اما وقتی میفهمند، به کسی که این ایده به ذهنش رسیدهاست، پاداشی بزرگ و ترفیع میدهند…. کاش من هم چنین چیزی در سابقهکارم داشتم. طراح تصویر رسمی مرگ– حتماً سیل پیشنهادهای کاری به سمتم سرازیر میشد.
آیا او در تمام این مدت مرا زیر نظر داشتهاست تا کارم را تمام کند؟ حتماً برنامه مرگ خیلی پر است؛ فرصت ندارد که این همه مدت را به من اختصاص دهد، مگر اینکه یکسری کارکنان زیردست، مانند بابانوئلهای کریسمس، داشته باشد که به فهرست طولانیاش رسیدگی میکنند.
شاید او وقتش را با بابانوئل میگذراند و این ایده در یک دور بازی گلف به ذهنش رسیدهاست. تمام آن قضایا درباره آناگرام[۵] بودن بابانوئل و شیطان هم وجود دارد… شاید بابانوئل هم بخشی از تاریکیست.
نگاهی به ساعت انداختم. ۳:۴۷٫ وقتش است که نمایش را شروع کنیم، یا از خیرش بگذریم. مزاحمم چه مرگ باشد چه نباشد، تا چند ساعت دیگر باید سرکار بروم.
«کار را تمام کن، یا بگذار بخوابم.» با آن صدای گرفته و خشدارم، آنقدرها هم که میخواستم پرقدرت ادا نشد. بااینحال، مزاحم برگشت و با صدای خشخشی، مانند برگهایی که در باد کشیده میشوند، بیرون رفت.
در را پشت سرش بست؛ شنیدم که قفل در را چرخاند.
من، با لبخندی، غلت زدم تا بخوابم؛ بالاخره فهمیدم:
در تمام این مدت او کلید داشتهاست.
پانویسها:
[۱] Vela Damon
[۲] Stalker
[۳] grim reaper مفهوم مرگ به عنوان یک موجود زنده از آغاز تاریخ در خیلی از جوامع حضور داشته است. در انگلیسی، مرگ غالباً با نام دروگر مرگ خوانده میشود و از قرن پانزدهم به بعد به شکل یک اسکلت که یک داس دستهبلند حمل میکند و با یک شنل سیاه پوشیده شده است.
[۴] sickle
[۵] Anagram واروواژه یا قلب یا آناگرام نوعی بازی با حروف است به گونهای که با جابجایی حروف یک واژه یا عبارت بتوان واژه یا عبارت معنادار جدیدی ساخت. در اینجا نویسنده با واژهی «Santa» به معنی بابانوئل و «Satan» به معنی شیطان بازی کرده است.
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