پل میشل دوبل[۱]
پدر بریدلی[۲] میدانست که قاتل میآید، فقط زمانش مشخص نبود. اینکه شخصی پرهیزگار مرتکب قتل شود و برای رهایی از مجازات دروغ بگوید در تضاد با یکدیگر بودند. اگرچه او نیز به اندازهی ظاهر روحانیاش باتقوا نبود. آیا کارهایی که انجام داده بود از کارهای اولسن[۳] زشتتر نبودند؟ اگر اولسن فقط جانِ یک نفر بیگناه را گرفته بود، در عوض او زندگی افراد زیادی را تباه کرده بود. بله ممکن است آنها هنوز زنده باشند اما به سختی زندگی میکنند. آسیب روانیای که دیده بودند شدیدتر بود. سالها با هوا و هوسش میجنگید و این کشمکش همچنان ادامه داشت. گناهی که در حقِ خادمان کلیسا مرتکب شده بود، مانند جای زخمی که هرگز خوب نمیشود، در برابر چشمانش بود، اما نمیتواست از هوسهای شهوانیاش کم کند.
بدون شک تصویر اولسن را در روزنامهها دیده بود، اما خود اولسن نسبت به عکسش، اندام کوچکتری داشت و آنچنان ترسناک به نظر نمیرسید. پدر بریدلی از حفرههای پنجرهی اتاقک اعتراف به او خیره شده بود. سرگردان وارد اتاقک شد، کمی پریشان به نظر میرسید و نگاهش در پی فریادرسی به اطراف میچرخید. پدر بریدلی بیرون رفت و به قاتل خوشامد گفت. بهترین لبخند خوشامدگویی را پیشکش او کرد.
«کمکی از من ساخته است؟»
اولسن نیمههای سیسالگیاش را پشت سر میگذاشت. چهرهی لاغر و نامهربانی داشت که حاصل رویدادهای بیرحمانهی بسیاری بود. برقی از ترس در چشمانش بود که حتی دشمنانش را به وحشت میانداخت و بیتردید این مسئله بسیار اتفاق افتاده بود. با این حال، معصومیتی در چهرهاش بود و هر از گاهی نگاه خیرهی پسرکی در چشمانش موج میزد. لبخند تلخی بر لبانش نشست.
«پدر، مرتکبِ گناهی شدهام.»
«پروردگار پشت و پناه تو است، پسرم. اینجا درست همان جاییست که به رستگاری میرسی. لطفأ به اتاقکِ اعتراف برو تا وجدانت آرام گیرد.»
اولسن اشارهی پدر روحانی به سمت اتاقک را دنبال کرد و داخل آن نشست. پدر بریدلی بیدرنگ پرده را کنار زد و در جایگاهش نشست، طوری که تنها دیوارهای چوبی با پنجرهای فلزی برای صحبت، حد فاصل آنها بود. زمانیکه اولسن روی نیمکت نرمش جای گرفت، صدای تق آهستهای آمد. این ملاقات و نتیجهاش خلاف هر آنچه که تصور میکرد بود. آیا پس از این اعتراف میتوانست خودش را ببخشد؟ بدون شک این مسئله، موضوعِ کشمکش بعدی او با خودش در روزهای بعد بود.
«پدر، من کارهای بسیار زشتی مرکتب شدهام.»
پدر روحانی از همه چیز باخبر بود، اما اولسن نمیدانست که او همه چیز را میداند.
پدر بریدلی بار دیگر به او اطمینان خاطر داد: «اینجا مکان امنیست.» معمولأ حق با او بود، اما نه همیشه.
در آن سمت پنجرهی فلزی، مجرم مردد بود.
پدر بریدلی به تدریج او را به صحبت واداشت و برای انجام این کار اضطراب داشت.
«شروع کن پسرم.»
«پدر من یک نفر را کشتم.» جملهاش ناتمام ماند و مانند ماسکی خفهکننده، سکوتی عمیق میان آنها برقرار شد.
سرانجام پدر روحانی پرسید: «چه کسی را کشتی پسرم؟»
حال که اولسن جملهی اول را گفته بود، راحتتر میتوانست سخن بگوید.
«نمیخواستم او را بکشم. شاید از عصبانیتِ زیاد این اتفاق افتاد، اما قصد کشتنش را نداشتم. مدت زیادی در زندگی با خودم درگیر بودم، اما سرانجام احساس میکردم که در مسیر درستی قدم گذاشتهام. با او در کسبوکار جدیدی شریک شده بودیم که موفقیتآمیز نبود. تقصیر من بود. پولی را که سرمایهگذاری کرده بودیم، در قمارخانهها به باد دادم. سرمایهی او را هم در قمار از دست دادم.
«بعد چه اتفاقی افتاد؟»
«آمده بود تا مرا نکوهش کند که با هم درگیر شدیم. او را هل دادم و افتاد.»
پدر بریدلی در حالیکه سعی میکرد کنجکاو به نظر نرسد پرسید: «کجا این اتفاق افتاد؟»
«تا دیر وقت در بار بودیم. بعد در مسیر پیادهروی بتنی شروع به قدم زدن کردیم که بلندتر از سطح خیابان بود و به دورِ میدان سیتی هال[۴] میگردید. سپس جروبحثمان بالا گرفت. شروع به هل دادن من و فریاد زدن کرد و منم او را محکم هل دادم. لیز خورد و روی سنگفرش بتنی افتاد.» اولسن با صدایی لرزان گفت: «میدانم که کارم اشتباه بود.»
«هیچ صدایی از او شنیده نمیشد. به سختی میتوانستم آن سمت لبهی پیادهرو را نگاه کنم و زمانی که نگاهش کردم ترس عمیقی وجودم را فرا گرفت. شریکم، رفیق پانزده سالهام، بیحس روی زمین افتاده بود.»
اولسن شروع به گریه کرد و شیونی غمانگیز سرداد.
پدر بریدلی صبورانه منتظر ماند. «میدانم سخت است. ادامه بده پسرم.»
سرانجام اولسن خودش را جمعوجور کرد: «سرش در زاویهی عجیبی قرار داشت و خون میآمد. میدانستم که مرده است. دستپاچه شدم و فرار کردم. تا میتوانستم سریع میدویدم تا اینکه چیزی نمانده بود خون بالا بیاورم. اندکی گذشت تا آرام گرفتم و به خودم آمدم. اتفاق ناگواری بود. به این فکر افتادم که خودم را به پلیس تحویل بدهم و اعتراف کنم، اما بعد به فرزندانم فکر کردم. بدون شک زمانی طولانی به زندان میافتادم و در این مدت چه کسی از آنها مراقبت میکرد؟ همسرم به تنهایی از عهدهی این کار بر نمیآمد و آنها به من احتیاج داشتند. تباه کردن زندگی خانوادهام چه سودی داشت؟ بنابراین بیسروصدا به منزل رفتم و راهی رختخواب شدم تا مجبور به پاسخ دادن به سؤالات سخت همسرم نباشم.»
پدر بریدلی میدانست که اولسن خودش دلش میخواهد به حرف زدن ادامه دهد، بنابراین منتظر ماند. بهتر بود که همانطور ادامه دهد. تا همین اندازه هم برای متهم کردن او کفایت میکرد. همه چیز مهیا بود و بیتردید شکنجهگرش خشنود میشد.
«بعد چه اتفاقی افتاد؟»
صدای آن سوی پنجرهی آهنی مکثی کرد و تردید داشت که چه بگوید. هنوز وقتی سخن میگفت عذاب وجدان در صدایش پیدا بود. «زیاد آفتابی نمیشدم اما شک نداشتم که سرانجام پلیس تماس میگیرد. زمانی که او را هل دادم و روی سنگفرش افتاد، به این فکر نمیکردم که شاهدی آن اطراف باشد. میدانستم که احمقانه است انتظار داشته باشم که همه چیز تمام شده باشد. به نظر میرسید که فقط یک شاهد آنجا بوده است، یک بیخانمان که حتی نتوانست من را در میان مظنونین پلیس شناسایی کند. با این حال مدارک جهت احضارم به دادگاه کفایت میکرد. به نظر میرسید مویِ روی کتِ او با دی.ان.ای من مطابقت میکرد، اما مدرک دیگری نداشتند. پروندهی پلیس به قدری ضعیف بود که آن بیخانمان، تنها شاهد اصلی آنها بود. وکیل مدافعم در دادگاه به شدت او را مورد انتقاد و اعتراض قرار داد و مجبورش کرد بپذیرد که آن شب نوشیدنی الکلی زیاد و داروی توهمزا مصرف کرده بود. با این کار اعتبارش را به عنوان شاهد از بین برد. در دادگاه شهادت ندادم چون تردید نداشتم که پلیس پیدایم میکرد. گذاشتم که اقدامات قانونی روندش را طی کند، در حالی که تمام این مدت میدانستم که گناهکار اصلی من هستم. پرونده به سرانجام نرسید. احتمالا در روزنامهها دیدید.»
پدر بریدلی پیوسته زیر لب زمزمه میکرد. بدون شک دیده بود. برخی نامش را رسوایی، عدالتی مضحک و توهینی به نظام پیگرد قانونی گذاشته بودند. همه را شنیده بود. حقیقت این بود که اولسن درحالی آزادانه از ماجرا قِسِر در رفته بود که هیچکس واقعاً بیگناهی او را باور نکرده بود. حال در اتاقک اعتراف بود و داشت پرده از رازش برمیداشت.
دستکم، حالا اجرا شدن عدالت ممکن بود، البته باید این راز را خارج از اتاقک اعتراف نیز فاش میکرد. وظیفهی کشیشها این است که آنچه را که از توبهکاران میشنوند، تا زمانی که سوگند یاد کردهاند فاش نکنند، حتی اگر خطرِ مرگ، خودشان یا اطرافیانشان را تهدید کند. برملا کردن رازِ دیگران، منجر به اخراج آنها میشود. با این حال، مجبور بود دقیقاً همین کار را انجام دهد. این مسئله فراتر از یک دو راهی اخلاقی بود. جان او در خطر بود. چرا؟ آیا او این کار را برای اصلاح عدالتی معیوب انجام میداد یا نجات جسم گناهکارش؟
اولسن مأیوسانه پرسید: «پدر، آیا من محکوم به لعن ابدیام؟»
نمیتوانست با اطمینان خاطر پاسخ دهد. پدر روحانی در دلش به بازی با کلمات میخندید و شروع کرد: «تو آمدی تا در خانهی خدا اعتراف کنی و این اولین گام مهم است. نمیتوانی کاری را که مرتکب شدهای انکار کنی، اما باید هر روز از درگاه پروردگار طلب آمرزش کنی تا تو را ببخشد. به نیکی زندگی کن و هر زمانی که توانستی به مردم کمک کن. پروردگار ما کینهتوز نیست پسرم. او شاهد پشیمانی توست. خوب زندگی کن.»
آن سوی پنجره، اولسن بینیاش را بالا کشید، اما زمانی که صحبت کرد صدایش رساتر بود: «سپاسگزارم پدر. حس میکنم بار سنگینی را از روی دوشم برداشتهام.»
«درصلح و آرامش باشی پسرم. خدمت به پروردگار را هدف اصلی خود قرار ده.»
«حتماً پدر. سپاسگزارم.»
اولسن از اتاقک بیرون آمد و پدر بریدلی رفتنش را تماشا کرد. قاتل قد بلندتر به نظر میرسید. صدای تق دیگری آمد. ضبط یک اعتراف دیگر به پایان رسید. فایل صوتی یک اقرار که در اتاقک مقدس اعتراف، جایی که رازهای اسرارآمیزی میتوانست بدون هیچگونه عواقبی فاش شود، ضبط شده بود. پدر بریدلی در اتاقک خود انگشتش را بالای دکمهی حذف نگه داشته بود و با خودش میگفت یا عیسی مسیح به من قدرت ده. چیزی نمانده بود حذفش کند که تماسی از اسکایپ با او گرفته شد. برخلاف میلش پاسخ داد.
صدای تقریباً زمخت و بی روحی گفت: «صدای من را میشنوید؟» همیشه فقط صدایش بود. آن کلاهبردار هرگز چهرهاش را نشان نمیداد. نیازی نبود. پدر بریدلی به او گوش میداد:
«بله، میشنوم.»
«برایم بفرست.»
«چطور میتوانم بهت اعتماد کنم؟»
صدای پشت تلفن چنان قهقههای زد که لپ تاپ صدای وز وز کرد: «پدر، شما کشیش هستی. کار شما اعتماد به مردم است. کار نیکی انجام دادی. اگر همکاری کنی دیگر دلیلی ندارد که رسوایت کنم. تو فایل صوتی را برایم میفرستی و من رازت را فاش نمیکنم. تو کشیشی هستی که خادمان کلیسا را مورد آزار جنسی قرار میدهی. مردی در جایگاه شما باید بیشتر به اصول اخلاقی پایبند باشد.»
پدر بریدلی احساس میکرد که صورتش سرخ شده است: «از اصول اخلاقی برایم صحبت نکن. کاری که تو انجام میدهی شرمآور است.»
صدا خونسرد ماند، اما کمی عصبانی شده بود: «آنچه که تو فکر میکنی برایم اهمیتی ندارد. وقت بحث کردن ندارم پدر. من مانند کسانی که در حضورت اعتراف میکنند نیستم. هر چه زودتر آن فایل لعنتی را برایم بفرست، حالا.»
«نمیتوانم. کار درستی نیست.»
«با من وارد بازی نشو پدر. کار زشتی نیست. یک گناهکار به سزای آنچه که باید میرسد. کار تو زشت است.»
انگشتان پدر روحانی بالای صفحه کلید میلرزید. صدای درون لپتاپ، درنگ او را حس کرد: «فایل را بفرست و همه چیز تمام میشود. هرگز کسی بویی نمیبرد. اگر فایل را نفرستی، همه از بیآبرویی تو آگاه میشوند. آبروی خود و خانوادهات را میبری و مورد نکوهش اعضای کلیسا که بسیار به آنها علاقهمندی قرار میگیری. درست تصمیم بگیر.»
پدر بریدلی با خود کلنجار میرفت. میدانست که ضعیف است. به همین خاطر بود که خادمان کلیسا را مورد سوء استفاده قرار داده و تسلیم هوسهای حیوانی و شهوانیاش شده بود. حال چطور میتوانست در پیشگاه خداوند حاضر شود؟ کارهایی که مرتکب شده بود او را گرفتار عذاب دوزخ و لعن پروردگار میکردند.
صدا عاجزانه خواهش میکرد: «پدر، یک خانواده در عذاب است. آنها نیاز به عدالت دارند. پدر بریدلی!»
ناگهان تصمیمش را گرفت. پدر بریدلی لپتاپ را برداشت و آن را چند بار به دیوار بتنی اتاقک کوبید تا اینکه بدنهی فلزی آن جدا شد و به شکل انبوهی از فلزات در هم رفته در آمد و انگشتش خونی شد.
در حالی که اشک در چشمانش حلقه زده بود به سراغ برنامهی بعدیاش رفت. طناب و صندلی از قبل آماده بود. جنایت فجیع دیگری در پیشگاهِ خداوند، اما در هر صورت برای او دیگر دیر شده بود. بدون شک، زمانی که شکنجهگرش جرمهای او را در رسانههای اجتماعی منتشر میکرد دیگر زنده نبود. امیدوار بود که خانواده و دوستدارانش متوجه شوند که او طاقت این بیآبرویی را نداشت. همیشه ضعیف بود.
برای آخرین بار در برابر محراب زانو زد تا طلب آمرزش کند. خودش نیز باید اعتراف میکرد.
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